I saw it alone now, and although
the promise in the slow transformation of darkness to azure moved me to
tears, I felt it was no promise for me.
March 1st.--Nothing that is PRESCRIBED does me any good. I cannot leave
off going to church, but the support I want I must find out for myself.
Perhaps if I had been born two hundred years ago, I might have been
caught by some strong enthusiastic organisation and have been a private
in a great army. A miserable time is this when each man has to grope
his way unassisted, and all the incalculable toil of founders of
churches goes for little or nothing. . . . I do not pray for any more
pleasure: I ask only for strength to endure, till I can lie down and
rest. I have had more rapture in a day than my neighbours and relations
have had in all their lives. Tom once said to me that he would sooner
have had twenty-four hours with me as his wife than youth and manhood
with any other woman he ever knew. He said that, not when we were first
married, but a score of years afterwards. I remember the place and the
hour.
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