And it was sincere then, I am satisfied; pride, resentment of
disapprobation, and consciousness if unjustifiable proceedings--these
have now changed her; but if we met, and she saw and believed my
faithful regard, how would she again feel all her own return! Well,
what a dream I am making!"
The ingrained worldliness of the diarist is ill-concealed by the mask
of sensibility. The correspondence that passed between the ladies
during their temporary rupture (_ante_, p. 230) shews that there was
nothing to prevent her from flying into her friend's arms, could she
have made up her mind to be seen on open terms of affectionate
intimacy with one who was repudiated by the Court. In a subsequent
conversation with which the Queen honoured her on the subject, she
did her best to impress her Majesty with the belief that Mrs.
Piozzi's conduct had rendered it impossible for her former friends to
allude to her without regret, and she ended by thanking her royal
mistress for her forbearance.
"Indeed," cried she, with eyes strongly expressive of the complacency
with which she heard me, "I have always spoken as little as possible
upon this affair. I remember but twice that I have named it: once I
said to the Bishop of Carlisle that I thought most of these letters
had better have been spared the printing; and once to Mr. Langton, at
the drawing-room I said, 'Your friend Dr. Johnson, Sir, has had many
friends busy to publish his books, and his memoirs, and his
meditations, and his thoughts; but I think he wanted one friend
more.
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