Thrale, I believe, but only wished to
find in me a careful nurse and humble friend for his sick and his
lounging hours; yet I really thought he could not have _existed_
without _my conversation_ forsooth! He cares more for my roast beef
and plum pudden, which he now devours too dirtily for endurance; and
since he is glad to get rid of me, I'm sure I have good cause to
desire the getting rid of him."
No great stress should be laid on this ebullition of mortified
self-love; but it occurs oddly enough at the very time when,
according to Lord Macaulay, she was labouring to produce the very
feeling that irritated her.
"_August 28th_, 1782.--He (Piozzi) thinks still more than he says,
that I shall give him up; and if Queeney made herself more amiable to
me, and took the proper methods--I suppose I should."
"_20 September_ 1782, _Streatham_.--And now I am going to leave
Streatham (I have let the house and grounds to Lord Shelburne, the
expence of it eat me up) for three years, where I lived--never
happily indeed, but always easily: the more so perhaps from the total
absence of love and ambition--
"'Else these two passions by the way
Might chance to show us scurvy play.'"
Ten days later (October 1st) she thus argues out the question of
marriage:
"Now! that dear little discerning creature, Fanny Burney, says I'm in
love with Piozzi: very likely; he is so amiable, so honourable, so
much above his situation by his abilities, that if
"'Fate had not fast bound her
With Styx nine times round her,
Sure musick and love were victorious.
Pages:
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178