My
fear is lest he should grow paralytick,--there are really some
symptoms already discoverable, I think, about the mouth particularly.
He will drive the gout away so when it comes, and it must go
_somewhere_. Queeny works hard with him at the classicks; I hope she
will be _out_ of leading-strings at least before he gets _into_ them,
as poor women say of their children."
"_1st January, 1782._--Let me not, while censuring the behaviour of
others, however, give cause of censure by my own. I am beginning a
new year in a new character. May it be worn decently yet lightly! I
wish not to be rigid and fright my daughters by too much severity. I
will not be wild and give them reason to lament the levity of my
life. Resolutions, however, are vain. To pray for God's grace is the
sole way to obtain it--'Strengthen Thou, O Lord, my virtue and my
understanding, preserve me from temptation, and acquaint me with
myself; fill my heart with thy love, restrain it by thy fear, and
keep my soul's desires fixed wholly on that place where only true
joys are to be found, through Jesus Christ our Lord,--Amen.'"
_January_, 1782.--(After stating her fear of illness and other ills.)
"_If_ nothing of all these misfortunes, however, befall one; _if_ for
my sins God should take from me my monitor, my friend, my inmate, my
dear Doctor Johnson; _if_ neither I should marry, nor the brewhouse
people break; _if_ the ruin of the nation should not change the
situation of affairs so that one could not receive regular
remittances from England: and _if_ Piozzi should not pick him up a
wife and fix his abode in this country,--_if_, therefore, and _if_
and _if_ and _if_ again all should conspire to keep my present
resolution warm, I certainly would, at the close of the four years
from the sale of the Southwark estate, set out for Italy, with my two
or three eldest girls, and see what the world could show me.
Pages:
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171