I have no choice. I
must."
"I don't know, Innstetten."
Innstetten smiled. "You shall decide yourself, Wuellersdorf. It is now
ten o 'clock. Six hours ago, I will concede, I still had control of
the situation, I could do the one thing or the other, there was still
a way out. Not so now; now I am in a blind alley. You may say, I have
nobody to blame but myself; I ought to have guarded and controlled
myself better, ought to have hid it all in my own heart and fought it
out there. But it came upon me too suddenly, with too much force, and
so I can hardly reproach myself for not having held my nerves in check
more successfully. I went to your room and wrote you a note and
thereby lost the control of events. From that very moment the secret
of my unhappiness and, what is of greater moment, the smirch on my
honor was half revealed to another, and after the first words we
exchanged here it was wholly revealed. Now, inasmuch as there is
another who knows my secret, I can no longer turn back."
"I don't know," repeated Wuellersdorf. "I don't like to resort to the
old worn-out phrase, but still I can do no better than to say:
Innstetten, it will all rest in my bosom as in a grave."
"Yes, Wuellersdorf, that is what they all say. But there is no such
thing as secrecy. Even if you remain true to your word and are secrecy
personified toward others, still _you_ know it and I shall not be
saved from your judgment by the fact that you have just expressed to
me your approval and have even said you fully understood my attitude.
Pages:
483
484
485
486
487
488
489
490
491
492
493
494
495
496
497
498
499
500
501
502
503
504
505
506
507