We had no means of making any
friends. We had no money, and no gifts of any kind. We were neither
of us witty nor attractive, but I have often wondered, nevertheless,
what it was which prevented us from obtaining acquaintance with
persons who thronged to houses in which I could see nothing worth a
twopenny omnibus fare. Certain it is, that we went out of our way
sometimes to induce people to call upon us whom we thought we should
like; but, if they came once or twice, they invariably dropped off,
and we saw no more of them. This behaviour was so universal that,
without the least affectation, I acknowledge there must be something
repellent in me, but what it is I cannot tell. That Ellen was the
cause of the general aversion, it is impossible to believe. The only
theory I have is, that partly owing to a constant sense of fatigue,
due to imperfect health, and partly to chafing irritation at mere
gossip, although I had no power to think of anything better, or say
anything better myself, I was avoided both by the commonplace and
those who had talent. Commonplace persons avoided me because I did
not chatter, and persons of talent because I stood for nothing.
"There was nothing in me." We met at M'Kay's two gentlemen whom we
thought we might invite to our house.
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