I am afraid that I
somewhat exaggerated them, for I had two answers, and, after a little
correspondence, two engagements. This was an unexpected stroke of
luck; but alas! both journals circulated in the same district. I
never could get together more stuff than would fill about a column
and a half, and consequently I was obliged, with infinite pains, to
vary, so that it could not be recognised, the form of what, at
bottom, was essentially the same matter. This was work which would
have been disagreeable enough, if I had not now ceased in a great
measure to demand what was agreeable. In years past I coveted a
life, not of mere sensual enjoyment--for that I never cared--but a
life which should be filled with activities of the noblest kind, and
it was intolerable to me to reflect that all my waking hours were in
the main passed in merest drudgery, and that only for a few moments
at the beginning or end of the day could it be said that the higher
sympathies were really operative. Existence to me was nothing but
these few moments, and consequently flitted like a shadow. I was
now, however, the better of what was half disease and half something
healthy and good. In the first place, I had discovered that my
appetite was far larger than my powers.
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