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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green"

" It used
no stops whatever. It never so much as hinted where one sentence
ended and another began. It never even told us when it came to a
proper name. Its idea of an evening's conversation was to plump
down a hundred or so vowels and consonants in front of you and
leave you to make whatever sense out of them you could.
We fancied at first it was talking about somebody named Hester (it
had spelt Hester with a "u" before we allowed a margin for
spelling), and we tried to work the sentence out on that basis,
"Hester enemies fear," we thought it might be. Whibley had a niece
named Hester, and we decided the warning had reference to her. But
whether she was our enemy, and we were to fear her, or whether we
had to fear her enemies (and, if so, who were they?), or whether it
was our enemies who were to be frightened by Hester, or her
enemies, or enemies generally, still remained doubtful. We asked
the table if it meant the first suggestion, and it said "No." We
asked what it did mean, and it said "Yes."
This answer annoyed me, but Whibley explained that the Spirit was
angry with us for our stupidity (which seemed quaint).


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