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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green"


"That's right," said the lady who had spoken last, "give my friend
fourpence."
The conductor did so.
"Now you give that fourpence to me."
The friend handed it to her.
"And you," she concluded to the conductor, "give me eightpence,
then we shall be all right."
The conductor doled out to her the eightpence--the sixpence he had
taken from the first lady, with a penny and two halfpennies out of
his own bag--distrustfully, and retired, muttering something about
his duties not including those of a lightning calculator.
"Now," said the elder lady to the younger, "I owe you a shilling."
I deemed the incident closed, when suddenly a florid gentleman on
the opposite seat called out in stentorian tones:-
"Hi, conductor! you've cheated these ladies out of fourpence."
"'Oo's cheated 'oo out 'o fourpence?" replied the indignant
conductor from the top of the steps, "it was a twopenny fare."
"Two twopences don't make eightpence," retorted the florid
gentleman hotly. "How much did you give the fellow, my dear?" he
asked, addressing the first of the young ladies.
"I gave him sixpence," replied the lady, examining her purse.


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