He told me that Colonel
Hamilton had three or four weeks ago written to him, informing him that
private as well as public reasons had brought him to the determination
to retire, and that he should do it towards the close of the next
session. He said he had often before intimated dispositions to resign,
but never as decisively before; that he supposed he had fixed on the
latter part of next session, to give an opportunity to Congress to
examine into his conduct: that our going out at times so different,
increased his difficulty; for if he had both places to fill at once, he
might consult both the particular talents and geographical situation
of our successors. He expressed great apprehensions at the fermentation
which seemed to be working in the mind of the public; that many
descriptions of persons, actuated by different causes, appeared to
be uniting; what it would end in he knew not; a new Congress was to
assemble, more numerous, perhaps of a different spirit; the first
expressions of their sentiment would be important; if I would only stay
to the end of that, it would relieve him considerably.
I expressed to him my excessive repugnance to public life, the
particular uneasiness of my situation in this place, where the laws of
society oblige me always to move exactly in the circle which I know to
bear me peculiar hatred; that is to say, the wealthy aristocrats,
the merchants connected closely with England, the new created paper
fortunes; that thus surrounded, my words were caught, multiplied,
misconstrued, and even fabricated and spread abroad to my injury; that
he saw also, that there was such an opposition of views between myself
and another part of the administration, as to render it peculiarly
unpleasing, and to destroy the necessary harmony.
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