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Jefferson, Thomas, 1743-1826

"Memoir, Correspondence, And Miscellanies, From The Papers Of Thomas Jefferson, Volume 4"

How cheap a price for
the good will of another! When this is in return for a rude thing said
by another, it brings him to his senses, it mortifies and corrects
him in the most salutary way, and places him at the feet of your good
nature, in the eyes of the company. But in stating prudential rules for
our government in society I must not omit the important one of never
entering into dispute or argument with another. I never yet saw an
instance of one of two disputants convincing the other by argument. I
have seen many, of their getting warm, becoming rude, and shooting one
another. Conviction is the effect of our own dispassionate reasoning,
either in solitude, or weighing within ourselves, dispassionately, what
we hear from others, standing uncommitted in argument ourselves. It was
one of the rules, which, above all others, made Doctor Franklin the most
amiable of men in society, 'never to contradict any body.' If he was
urged to announce an opinion, he did it rather by asking questions, as
if for information, or by suggesting doubts. When I hear another express
an opinion which is not mine, I say to myself, he has a right to his
opinion, as I to mine; why should I question it? His error does me no
injury, and shall I become a Don Quixote, to bring all men by force of
argument to one opinion? If a fact be misstated, it is probable he is
gratified by a belief of it, and I have no right to deprive him of the
gratification.


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