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Taylor, Tom, 1817-1880

"Our American Cousin"


Asa All right, come along. [Binny going.] Hold on, say,
I may want to yawn presently and I shall want somebody to shut my mouth.
[Binny hurries off, L. 1 E.] Wal, now I am alone, I can look
about me and indulge the enquiring spirit of an American citizen.
What an everlasting lot of things and fixins there is to be sure.
[Opens table draw.] Here's a place will hold my plunder beautifully.
[Sees bottle.] Hallo, what's this? [Comes down.] Something good to drink.
[Smells bottle.] It smells awful bad. [Reads label.] Golden Fluid,
one application turns the hair a beautiful brown, several applications
will turn the hair a lustrous black. Well, if they keep on it may
turn a pea green. I reckon this has been left here by some fellow
who is ashamed of the natural color of his top knot. [Knock.] Come in.

Enter Binny, L. 1 E.

Bin Mr. Buddicombe, sir, my lord's hown man.
Asa Roll him in. [Binny beckons, enter Buddicombe.]
Turkey cock number two, what is it?
Bud My Lord Dundreary's compliments and _have_ you seen
a small _bottle_ in the toilet table drawer?
Asa Suppose I had, what then?
Bud My lord wants it particly.


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