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Scott, Michael, 1789-1835

"Tom Cringle's Log"


"Why the diable came you not to see me, man? Have been here for change
of air, to recruit, you know, after that demon, the gout, had been so
perplexing me, ever since you came to anchor--the Firebrand, I mean--as
for you, you have been mad one while, and philandering with those
inconvenient white ladies the other. You'll cure of that, my boy
you'll come to the original comforts of the country soon, no fear!"
"Perhaps I may, perhaps not."
"Oh, your cousin Mary, I forgot--fine girl, Tom--may do for you at home
yonder," (all Creoles speak of England as home, although they may never
have seen it,) "but she can't make pepper--pot, nor give a dish of land
crabs as land crabs should be given, nor see to the serving up of a
ringtail pigeon, nor rub a beefsteak to the rotting turn with a bruised
papaw, nor compose a medicated bath, nor, nor--oh, confound it, Tom, she
will be, when you marry her, a cold, comfortless, motionless Creole
icicle!"
I let him have his swing. "Never mind her then, never mind her, my dear
sir; but time presses and I must be off, I must indeed, so good morning;
I wish you a good morning, sir."
He started to his feet, and caught hold of me. "Sha'n't go, Tom,
impossible--come along with me to my lodgings, and breakfast with me.
Here, Pilfer, Pilfer," to his black valet, "give me my stick, and massu
the chair, and run home and order breakfast--cold calipiver--our Jamaica
salmon, you know, Tom--tea and coffee pickled mackerel, eggs, and cold
tongue--any thing that Mother Dingychops can give us; so bolt, Pilfer,
bolt!"
I told him that before I came ashore I had heard the gig's--crew piped
away, and that I therefore expected, as Jonathan says, that the captain
would be after me immediately; so that I wished at all events to get
away from where we were, as I had no desire to be caught gossiping about
when my superior might be expected to pass.


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