I don't pretend to be
braver than my neighbours, but I would pluck any man by the beard who
called me coward. In my small way I had in my time faced death in various
shapes; but it had always been above board, with the open heaven overhead,
and generally I had a goodly fellowship in danger, and the eyes of others
were upon me. No wonder, then, that the sinking of the heart within me,
which I now experienced for the first time, was bitter exceedingly, and
grievous to be 'borne. Cooped up in a small suffocating cabin, scarcely
eight feet square, and not above four feet high, with the certainty of
being murdered, as I conceived, were I to try to force my way on deck, and
the knowledge that all my earthly prospects, all my dreams of promotion,
were likely to be blasted, and for ever ruined by my sudden spiriting away,
not to take into the heavy tale the misery which my poor mother and my
friends must suffer, when they came to know it--and "who will tell this to
thee, Mary?" rose to my throat, but could get no farther for a cursed bump
that was like to throttle me. Why should I blush to own it--when the
gipsy, after all, junked an old rich goutified coffee--planter at the
eleventh hour, and married me, and is now the mother of half--a--dozen
little Cringles or so? However, I made a strong effort to bear my
misfortunes like a man, and, folding my arms, I sat down on a chest to
abide my fate, whatever that might be, with as much composure as I could
command, when half--a--dozen cockroaches flew flicker against my face.
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