At least, he was no longer jealous of Godensky
or of any man, and was humbly repentant for his suspicions of me the
night before. When Raoul is repentant, and wishes to atone for something
that he has done, he is enchanting. There was never a man like him.
At five I sent him away, with the excuse that I must rest, as I hadn't
slept much the night before; but really it was because I feared lest I
should disgrace myself before him by breaking down, and giving him a
fright--or perhaps even by being mad enough to confess the thing I had
done. I felt that I was no longer mistress of myself--that I might be
capable of any folly.
I could not eat, but I drank a little beef-tea before starting for the
theatre, where I went earlier than usual. It would be something to be
busy; and in my part I might even forget for a moment, now and then.
Marianne and I were in my dressing-room before seven. I insisted on
dressing at once, and took as long as I could in the process of making
up; still, when I was ready there was more than half an hour to spare
before the first act. There were letters for me--the kind that always
come to the theatre--but I couldn't read them, after I had occupied
myself with tearing open the envelopes.
Pages:
251
252
253
254
255
256
257
258
259
260
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275