Yet now I had betrayed my lover
and sold his country; and, realising what I had done, as I hardly had
realised it till this moment, I suffered torture in his arms.
Even if, by something like a miracle, we were saved from ruin, nothing
on earth could wash the stain from my heart, which Raoul believed so
good, so pure.
What can be more terrible for a woman than the secret knowledge that to
hold a man's respect she must always keep one dark spot covered from his
eyes? Such a woman needs no future punishment. She has all she deserves
in this world. My punishment had begun, and it would always go on
through my life with Raoul, I knew, even if no great disaster came. Into
the heart of my happiness would come the thought of that hidden spot;
how often, oh, how often, would I feel that thought stir like a black
bat!
I could no longer rest with my eyes shut, at peace after the storm. I
shuddered and sobbed, though my lids were dry, and Raoul tried to soothe
me, thinking it was but my excitement in playing for the first time a
heavy and exacting part. He little guessed how heavy and exacting it
really was!
"Darling," he said, "you were wonderful.
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